Status report, Mr. Data!

Two weeks taking the pills faithfully (okay, I accidentally missed two three-pills doses). Current measurements?

5 1/4" length, 5 1/2" girth. That's a quarter-inch more around than when I measured before I started all this, but well within the standard deviation of tumescence. (Hey, YOU try holding a constant erection when you're wrapping a measuring tape around your penis!)

Further bulletins as events warrant.

What's average, anyway?

The industry that has sprung up surrounding penis size banks on males feeling that their member is inadequate, a judgment that naturally comes from comparing one's self to one's fellow men and finding one's self wanting. For most of us straight males, the overwhelming majority of our exposure to other erect penises is in porn, which is possibly not the best representative sample of phallic dimensions; it's like comparing your body mass index and neck girth against NFL linebackers.

What, then, is "normal"? And what is "average"?

The questions are not the same, and stated without further detail, both are nonsensical. In case you have trouble seeing the difference between the questions, try this: What is a "normal" woman's bust size? What is "average"? What is "normal" height, for men or women? What is "average"?

And just to throw some more details into the mix, what are the racial/ethnic factors? Latino men are shorter on average than Northern European men. Asian women have smaller average busts than African women. Taller women with small busts look out of proportion when smaller women would not.

Aside from John Holmes, what are we men comparing ourselves against?

According to Wikipedia (you knew there'd be an article, right? -- NSFW, due to pictures of what we're talking about), the average human penis is 5.1-5.9" in length, 4.85" in girth. Because of the nature of statistics, "The average penis size is slightly larger than the median size (or, put another way, most penises are below average in size)." (I guess that's the natural counterpoint to Lake Wobegon.)

Now, compare that Wikipedia assessment (and several of the specific studies which contributed to the average are cited) to these:













That's from a eBay listing for enlargement pills. According to this, the average is somewhere in the neighborhood of 6.5" to 6.75". This isn't unique on eBay, but for some reason (i.e., whoever made the graphic is pulling statistics out of their ass) no two graphics show the same distribution.

So will my world be crushed if the pills I bought don't work? No. Will I be out thirty bucks? Yeah, pretty much.

Lo, it begins...

The package arrived last night: three bottles of Manhood Max, each containing sixty capsules. The instructions say to take three capsules as a dietary supplement, with a max of six capsules per day. That means I've got about a two-months' supply here -- long enough to know if the experiment is at all successful, at any rate.

I took three last night and three this morning, so the first experimental data is that I'm apparently not allergic to any of the herbal ingredients.

You gots to choose your weapons.

So. An experiment in embiggening. I don't have the time to spend hours each night in the dubious-yet-time-honored practive called "jilqing" (you might know if better as "flaccid jacking"), and the stretcher devices I've seen look like they should come in a set with a diabolical costume. Pills it is, then! After all, eighty-five-bazillion spam email to my account alone can't be wrong, right?

But which brand? I only knew one thing: it definitely wouldn't be MaxGain, the brand almost exclusively touted by spammers. Wasn't going to give these guys a reward for annoying me and crudding up Teh Intartubes, even if leaves me mistaken for a kaber tosser. So where's a guy going to go for reputable, reliable not-quite-pharmaceutical supplements?

eBay, of course.

There are plentiful brands of enhancement/enlargement/enKingKongment pills all over eBay, with names like Magna RX+ and Extenze and Extendaquin and Erexin-V and Duramax and SizePro. Despite the creativity put into their names, and the widely varying prices that seem mostly to rely on what the dealer thinks he can swindle poor suckers for, the ingredients pretty much seem to overlap -- yohimbe, damiana leaf, bilberry, and other green leafies. (Does this mean that two capsules count as a serving of vegetables?) They all imitate each others' sales pitches, they go to great lengths (ha!) to explain the inner workings of penile anatomy ("You mean there really isn't a bone in there?") and of course they tout their various blends as "100% natural," as if that somehow meant "safe" or "good for you." Seems to me that poison ivy and stinging nettles are 100% natural, too. As is snake venom.

So, with no way to differentiate the various products except by the copywriting skills of their respective hucksters, I used the only decider open to me: Price! Manhood Max (you gotta admit, that's a great porn name) was available for $9.99 per month's supply, free shipping, so I ordered three bottles. As soon as they arrive, the great experiment begins, the initial stages of which involve finding out if damiana leaf gives me a rash.

The pre-enhanced phase.

So here are the vitals: I’m a thirty-seven year old white male in general good health, 5'10", about 200 pounds (of which I could lose 20 pounds without missing them). This whole exploration and experiment was begun more out of idle curiosity than any particular desperation, though of course men in modern Western society are trained to be anxious about their adequacy in physical manhood. That's the reason I've begun this blog anonymously, even though I have several other online outlets where my name is proudly attached; I'm squeamish (understandably, I think) about attaching my name to the facts that I expect to unroll.

Oh, that's right, the vital measurements: 5¼" in length, 5¼" in girth. As noted, I'm not an especially tall or large fellow, so I don't feel I'm out of proportion where it matters, and in my fifteen years of marriage I've learned the truth of the quip that it's not the size of your hammer, it's how you swing it. And your other tool besides; any man who leaves his fingers and mouth out of the equation is never going to get high marks for satisfaction no matter how prodigious his member.

But I've had occasions when I wished there was more there, especially in girth -- times when I wished I could give her more full stretching.

So I decide, Teh Intartubes are awash in ads for various penis enhancement products. Why not risk the cost of a couple of pizzas on an experiment? If it doesn't work, I'll privately feel a bit like an ass (and that's not a particularly uncommon experience, nor is it normally private. And if it does work...